im not even mad. you seriously hurt my feelings eric. and your amused by this. are my feelings a joke to you? you know I could give a fuck if you flirt but to do it to fuck with me is sick. && my double standards?? no they are your double standards. im really in shock.

dilligaf? bc i do

eric

i dont want to give on us.

i love you. so much. i cant even imagine you not being in my life.

i wish i could make you believe 100% that i am not doing anything wrong.

there's just you babe; i Guarantee it.

yes i cheated on bryan with you but i didnt know i was going to fall in love with you. neither did you. i couldnt resist you anymore & i had to have it. i didnt know i would catch feelings like this. i didnt plan any of this. i would have done it all different if i could go back because i hate the way you think of me. i know you wish things would have gone down diff right?

i love you E

you are the shit

but im the shit even more because i got you

♥amanda+eric♥

♥ 08-08→

you still blow my mind. I just dont get why guys have double standards?! I mean grow the fuck up already. jealously....so over it. If we are going to be together than lets do it if not fuck this dumb shit and move on. give me your heart, lets make this real or forget about it. you say I have your heart...achoo. act like it. how can you get on my case for doing something your also doing yourself? you do you baby. if that involves me...GREAT and if not that is cool too. Im not doing anything wrong, nothing to hide. trust is a fucked up thing and i know we fucked ourselves from the beginning but if this is ever going to work something has got to give. we cant get through one day without bitchin at each other over some dumb shit



&& for the record I LOST SIGNAL just now i was in the middle of typing this shit thats why i didnt call right back! some dumb shit right there...



i wanna give up so bad bc i feel like we are getting no where! for every nice civil convo we have there are 5 fucked up ones to match it. i knew this wasnt going to be easy and i told you that. I knew shit would be like this sooner or later but i was willing to fight for it...now i feel i am fighting against you.



im your girl, your in love with me, you would kill for me...blah eric fukin blahs
if all thats true what is the deal?



i love you

please already...

LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD with me;

promise it'll be soo fun

well...

I hate that I can't go through with breaking up with you...almost as much as I hate you. I really do; hate that I love you that is...
I just feel at some point something has got to give. At this point I'm ready to give in. I am so over having the same converations every week. Doesn't it drive you crazy? One minute I want to say fuck it because it shouldn't be this hard but in another I dont want to give up so soon. I dont want to be the crazy girlfriend always bitching over dumb shit because thats so not me, but Im def not gonna sit here and keep my mouth shut when your not keeping up your end up. I think I am a pretty awesome girl in general...fuck that I kno I am...I also kno that I am a great girlfriend. you need to wise up before its too late. There is so much more I could say but I just dont see the point. I love you eric....still waiting for you to join me in the real world :D

i miss you so much

°♥→I'm telling the world you piss me off♥

yes you piss me off & make me mad...so mad I could scream & punch you right in the mouth! What is a relationship without disagreement? It doesn't exsist. We are going to have our tisks here & there but it will only make us stronger in the end. I won't pretend that we have this perfect relationship because we sure as hell don't. Jaime says this about her & Chris..."the perfect couple just not in the perfect situation." I think that applies to us. It'll all get better in time. I don't know if I'll ever stop saying it but we have something special. I can't stay mad at you.
"I'm sorry I'm an asshole."
"Like you didn't know I was cold?"
so brutally honest...I love it! && you know I'm a bitch. perfect.
I gotta get ready for work but I had to get that out first.
I love you snaric... I do. bunches.

°♥→Sailing

Well it's not far down to paradise

At least it's not for me

And if the wind is right you can sail away

And find tranquility

Oh, the canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see Baby believe me,

oh It's not far to Never Never Land No reason to pretend

And if the wind is right you can find the joy Of innocence again

Oh, the canvas can do miracles Just you wait and see

Baby believe me, oh Sailing takes me away To where

I've always heard it could be I heard it could be

Just a dream and a wind to carry me Soon I will be free,

yeah Fantasy, it gets the best of me When I'm sailing, sailing

All the world in a reverie

Every word is a symphony Won't you believe me,

oh Sailing takes me away

To where I've always heard it could be (Takes me away to where I want to be)

I heard it could be Just a dream and a wind to carry me

Soon I will be free Well it's not far back to sanity

At least it's not for me And if the wind is right you can sail away

And find serenity Oh, the canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see Baby believe me, oh Sailing takes me away

To where I've always heard it could be I heard it could be

Just a dream and a wind to carry me Soon I will be free, free Sailing takes me away

To where I've always heard it could be I heard it could be

Just a dream and a wind to carry me Soon I will be free, yeah

You are my one && only

you sissy lala you...
ok so, I don't even know where to begin.
ok read my e-mails...go through my shit...its great. I have NOTHING to hide. NOTHING! who's Matt? NOBODY! I do totally understand why you would do that. I'm just going to put it out there. We have a problem with trust, and that is because of the way we got together. If we are going to be together we have to work through this. You can't hold it against me either because we never planned on this going as far or as serious as it has, correct?? I understand you have options...trust i know this & also trust I do, too. These "options" I speak of don't even compare to you...actually I'm not even looking so I don't even have anyone to compare you to...but if I did, you would win. I went through your shit just like you did mine so I can't hate on you...wont be a hater that's for sure. Just remember all these feelings of discouragement, being lonely..blah blah blah...well I'm feeling them too. I also think how happy I am with you. I think about that look in your eyes when you are looking at me...know I feel the same way. I know this is hard because OMG! I am going through the same thing you are, sooo.....enough said? I love you eric. We got something special...def different & I'm holding on...not letting go anytime soon. This can only make us stronger. 14 days betch!

"eric"

goodmorning lover

I hope you slept good & your tooth isn't hurting anymore. I love it when you call me in the middle of the night..I love hearing your voice when I'm tyty. Its like a dream but 4 real & 4 free!

I'm getting ready to go see Sam & then to the post office. I can not wait for you to get my box (what box are you thinking about old man?). Your going to love it! I hope the brownies turned out good for you. I can't cook for shit but i'm trying to learn myself for ya babe! So figure out what you want me to make for Thanksgiving so I can started on that ok?! I love you.

We had so much fun!

Snear Snaric

okay...so i was right in the middle of looking at apartments and I was really getting into it...then...no handlebars comes through the speakers. That song takes me back to sitting at the porn shop waiting for you to call from NC. "I can show you how to dosey doe" always thought that one was so random. So I just had to stop and type because I was so happy to be thinking about being up there with you but at the same time I'm so over missing you! It's bittersweet...a curse & a blessing! I love you Eric but you drive me crazy! I found a lot of apartments...so when you figure out wat you want to do we can go from there. Your hott then your cold...your yes then your no. still L♥♥ve you

EJ♥AL



oh eric...i miss you bunches but you are crazy if you think im going to let Brookie drive me to anywhere. I'll be up there in 3 weeks...not long considering it's already been a month since the last time we seen each other! It'll go sooo fast! You know we have to plan things out. We are grown-ups and that is how the real world works. I know I'm tired of hearing myself tell you about the real world...aren't you tired of hearig it by now!? Well babe it is dinner time & then I have to get Lace ready to go to Bryan's...just wanted to show you love...L♥ve








Never imagined you & I would be well...YOU & I. Honestly, I'm still waiting to wake up, it just doesn't seem real. I always knew there was something about you I couldn't shake but didn't realize how serious it could be..you blow my mind. I hate that you are so far away but I know it is best for you & hopefully "us" in the long run. I miss you so0o much & everyday it gets harder to not see you & just hug you. I want to hear your laugh live...it makes my day. I want sit next on the couch even if your playing video games, it'd so be worth it. I just sit around & imagine how amazing it would be to live life with you. I want to find out consequences & all. The time we've spent together is the best-great memories to keep but I want more! I want it all. I want you. I Love You Eric.

"I hate missing you, but I love at least having you to miss."

>>-♥♥->

"Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."

Comm3nts && Quot3s from my lover

♥♥sw33t Comm3nts...

3r!c Jan$3n Sep 26 2008 11:53 PMComment Back - Send Message - Block Useri fuckin love u so much baby ur the shit and i cant wait for us to get even closerI LOVE U AMANDA 3r!c Jan$3n
Sep 26 2008 11:56 PM
Comment Back - Send Message - Block User
cant wait to get to know lace better too ;o) ♥♥

not quit3 l0v3 l3tt3rs...
From: Eric (luckyhonda1984@yahoo.com)
Sent: Fri 7/11/08 2:30 AM
To: Amanda Long (nicky_1228@hotmail.com)"Ok I feel like shit u already know this but I wana tel u newayz. I love u and i cant get u off my mind I don't even know y I'm writing u this right now but I can't talk to u and I have so many feelings for u that I feel like ima go crazy thinkin bout u I know we shouldn't talk alot especially if u don't feel the way I feel about u but it fuckin kills me."
From: Eric (luckyhonda1984@yahoo.com)
Sent: Thu 7/10/08 1:51 AM
To: Mandy Long (nicky_1228@hotmail.com)"I love this pic so much it fuckin hurts E-"
From: Eric (luckyhonda1984@yahoo.com)
Sent: Wed 7/09/08 2:50 PM
To: Mandy Long (nicky_1228@hotmail.com) "I miss u so fuckin much and wish u were here with me. Love E-"

dr!ve me crazy♥

The little things...

• His laugh
• The way he stands with his hand on his hip :D (so cute it kills me)
• When he calls me in the middle of the night
• The way he smells
• Bandanas & tattoos
• I can be so pissed but still he makes me laugh

So Little

It's far fetched how I know so little about Eric but can be so in love with him.

• Birthday : August 11 1984
• Birthplace: Vero Bch, FL IRMC
• Graduated from LPA c/o '03
• Loves his music & his bikes
• So very spontaneous, he will do anything on impulse (I have to have everything planned out)
• Hates surprises

Our Story...so not a fairy tale.♥

Five short months ago I thought my life was in place & it would stay that exact way forever. I couldn't have been more wrong. I lived with my fiance (at the time) and our daughter, aside from everyday stress, we both thought our life together was pretty close to perfect. I thought I was happy. I really did. I let my guard down & let someone else into my heart. Eric is his name. He was a friend of both of ours, now the friendships have shifted. As crazy as it may sound we both just wanted sex from each other. We never thought in a millions years we would be where we are today. Although, looking back we should have know better. I could never get him out of my head. There would be long spans when I wouldn't hear from Eric but I never stopped thinking about him. Never stopped. Then one day he showed up again, like he had never left. After many sneaky nights on the phone giggly like we were in middle school again we planned a night together. Just me and him. As I sit here just thinking about how amazing that night was I have the biggest smile accompanied by happy tears. He was leaving in a week, moving to North Carolina, so we thought all the better to get this out of our systems while we still had the chance.
We got more out of our systems than just sex; we both fell hard and tried to hide it from each other and ourselves. Wanting all we could get before he had to leave we spend every single day together and as many nights as I could swing. Before I knew things blew up in my face. I don't regret a single second of what I did, but I would have gone about it a little differently. I told Bryan and the next day Eric left for NC. It was a long hard month before Bryan & I would finally separate, but we did and it was truly for the better. It wasn't fair to him because I never stopped contact with Eric and I knew in my heart I didn't want too. I wasn't being fair to myself either. So there I was; starting my life over as a single mom, living back home with my parents.

Eric is still in North Carolina and we're doing the long distance relationship thing. It has its pros & cons. We're both are at weird points in out life's right now, I think the distance is good for that, we're finding ourselves again. On a higher level there is so much we have to learn about each other. "The test of love is not when we are together. It comes when we are not together and realize that despite the distance, love is still there."